And Baby Makes Five

38 Weeks & 4 Days

2010-06-04T02:37:00.000-04:00

So I attempted the external version on Wednesday. And I won't ever do that again. The experience was the worst & most painful procedure I have ever endured. And after four attempts at turning the baby, it was unsuccessful. I was screaming & crying, and Darren was crying, absolutely horrible. I now have bruises on my stomach, & I'm in a constant state of wondering if the baby is okay. Now we are scheduled for a c-section on June 8th. So we'll be meeting our baby girl sometime that afternoon.

I'm having to change gears a bit. No longer will we be able to fly solo in our first week with the baby. The baby & I will be in the hospital for 3-4 nights. Then we'll come home to be cared for by Poppie & Momma Boo. I'm looking forward to that first week at home together. After that Aunt JoAnn will come help us keep house & home in one piece while we continue to learn to parent our new baby girl. I'm feeling good things coming our way & that Prenatal Peggy is keeping a close watch over her granddaughter.

Not what I envisioned

2010-05-27T11:14:00.000-04:00

Darren & I saw the midwives yesterday for my 37 week checkup. I was given a copy of my prenatal medical records & instructed to keep it on my persons at all times. I tested negative for Group B Strep, & that was my only win for the day. The baby is still breech & settling into my pelvis. I've been scheduled for an in-hospital version for next Wednesday. I'm to drink a ton of water over the next few days to build up my amniotic fluid. I'm not to eat or drink after midnight on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I'll be given an IV with fluids & a smooth muscle relaxer. Then the doctor will attempt to manually turn the baby. I have a lot of anxiety about this procedure.

If the version is unsuccessful then I will be scheduled for a c-section for the following week. I'm even more anxious about that procedure.

Packing my hospital bag was a lot more fun. I'm not having fun anymore. I'm ready for this to all be over & behind me.

37 weeks

2010-05-24T15:52:00.000-04:00

Well another great shower has come & gone. We had an amazing time in Baltimore with our family & long time family friends celebrating our soon to be born baby girl. This shower also took place during one of the three triple crown races, this time the Preakness, where it turned out to be Lookin At Lucky's big day for the win. So we will not be naming our baby girl after Super Saver or Lookin At Lucky. However it's been fun to tie in the horse races to the backdrop of each shower event. And as I am now full term...Maybe it will be my little thoroughbred who will win big on June 5th. It could happen. Here are a few photos from the Baltimore Baby Shower. Thanks to my aunt & her family for hosting a lovely party.

On to the current issues. So our little baby girl still has not turned. I've done everything holistically possible so far. She's not moving. So now we discuss the in hospital version. I'm disappointed about the prospect of this manual maneuver. Word on the street is that it's rather uncomfortable for mom & can take anywhere from 5-30min to successfully turn the baby. They usually stop after 30min even if the baby has not turned. The other concern is that this maneuver will cause the baby to go into distress, which could result in an emergency c-section. The other issue is that if she has not turned by 39 weeks, either on her own or by force, I will be scheduled for a c-section. It always goes without saying that mom & dad want a healthy baby born, first & foremost. However, we take issue with people who say don't worry about it. That's just insane to me. While a c-section is common practice in the US, anyone in a sound frame of mind ought to consider the draw backs of any surgery "big" or "small". And oh-by-the-way, abdominal surgery isn't considered a walk in the park. Not to mention that this is as far from my envisioned birth experience. So there is reason to allow me to grieve for the potential loss of that experience, all while preparing for what may come, and all that will be required in a cesarean postpartum recovery. A c-section does have very immediate & long term lifelong consequences. So today I'm sad & disappointed.

She's a brick...House

2010-05-13T11:52:00.004-04:00

Yep that's right, I'm huge. Confirmed by the fact that I now have significant trouble parallel parking & that my friends keep telling me so (& telling me stories of them telling other people that I am huge). So I'm huge! My lower back & right oblique is killing me & I now have trouble getting a deep breath. I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant & quite frankly I feel it. The baby girl is still moving & shaking. She's in no rush to get herself into position. This puts my midwives into a tizzy. They are eager to schedule me for an inversion, however I've decided against this plan. I think the baby is just not quite ready yet. She'll have her whole life to be bossed around, for now she can decide when it's time to get ready & when it's time to be born. I feel a lot better having made this decision. The in hospital inversion seemed so dooms-day to me. It will be a challenge next week getting the midwives to back off & accept my choice to allow the baby to find her way down on her own terms. But as her mom, I'm prepared to fight on her behalf for what I feel in my gut to be what's best for her.

So now that you've been updated on that turn of events I will share with you the photos from my most fabulous Brooklyn Baby Shower. My friends did the most amazing job creating a day packed with fun, creativity & some gift giving. Many many thanks for all who participated in Baby Girl's Showering of Love & Affection!

Thanks to Matt & Amy for sharing their pics with me. And Thanks to Megan & Luke for opening their home. And to Megan & Heather for showering us with love love love.

Feeling Something New & Learning Too

2010-04-25T08:45:00.000-04:00

I'm 33 weeks & one day along in my pregnancy, and I've started to feel my body practice & prepare for the big day. Last weekend I had my first braxton hicks contractions. My entire abdomen tightened & became rock hard during these isometric exercises. The second time it happened I had Darren feel my tummy. He thought it was so cool. It didn't hurt, just a flex-hold-release a few times & then that was enough for one day. These have happened a few times, but I hardly notice them unless I'm walking where they restrict my range of motion. Now this weekend I started to feel tinges of pain in between my pelvic bone. My best guess is this is my cervix thinning. All welcomed as a reminder that we are nearing the day when we will greet our little girl into the world.

And learning, we started our Child Birth Education Class last week. We have five consecutive classes, once a week. To be entirely honest, Darren & I are the most informed of our group. This kind of surprises me, as New Yorkers tend to be extremely studied. Preparing themselves for a class by reading all the books they can get their hands on before the curriculum begins. This group, maybe not so much the case. They do all seem very busy, with both parents working. Darren & I left feeling like we were at the top of the class. And he even said that he was so pleased that I have had the time to really focus, learn & make educated decisions about our pregnancy & birth plan well in advance of 33 weeks into our gestation. This class may just be a refresher of information for us. But that's fine.

In other great news, my friend Cookie just had her baby girl on Friday. Poppy Day was born around 10:35pm & weighed in at 6lb. She's a little peanut, & I really look forward to meeting her.

Get Out of My Head

2010-04-20T18:11:00.000-04:00

So as some of you already know, I've been working diligently to keep the kind concerns of my midwives at arms length. My weight has been on their radar since sometime in January. It started off innocently enough by mentioning that I was still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, after having lost 5 lb in the first 12 weeks thanks to morning sickness. They stated no concern at the time. Just followed the statement up with an, "oh but don't get carried away either. Your not eating for two. You should only be eating an additional 300 calories a day". I like to think of it as eating for 1 & 1/4. So I noted what they said & wasn't really worried about my eating habits anyway. I mostly just smiled & thought to myself, I'm the least of your worries. Truly knowing that I am.

I love food. I love really good food. And I've kind of been fanatical about it since I left home at 18 years old & began feeding myself. After college I worked with a food photographer, who just sent me deeper into my obsession with amazing food. And living in NYC has harbored such a deep appreciation for food that it's actually a reason to never leave the city. And a justifiable one at that. I can argue in this favor if given the opportunity.

Once my appetite returned, I was happy to dig back into the yummy foods I had been missing. First stop was India, with a healthy dose of Chicken Kurma, Potato Samosas, Shag Ponir, & Naan. It's true I do remember what I had for dinner 20 weeks ago. It was just that memorable. And if you had eaten one Cherrio at a time for 4 weeks straight, you too would remember the first supper you were able to put down & like it.

So last week when they again mentioned that I wasn't putting on weight at a rate that they were comfortable with, as they have said repeatedly at every appointment since January, I was officially annoyed. And then offended when they added the question, "Are you restricting calories?". I realized right then & there that they didn't trust me. And a growing anxiety began to build when I realized that without them trusting me, I couldn't fully trust them either. I left that appointment very upset & followed a series of sequences to put myself back on track. First stop call my husband. He was mad. Second stop call aunts & girlfriend. One aunt says oh just eat more & shut them up. The other says take it with a grain of salt, everyone in the medical provider community wants to fit their patients into a neat little "normal" box, and you're not fitting. Then my surrogate mom tells me I'm fine & arms me with ammo. Keep a food journal she says. That way they can actually see for themselves the quantity & quality of what you are eating. At the next appointment share it with them & ask for a referral to a nutritionist. Then the nutritionist can back up my caloric intake with regards to my weight gain. And finally tell them to stop it. From this moment forward a midwife's goal should not only be to ensure healthy fetal development, but to also foster confidence in the mother.

So that's what I am doing. And I have to admit that keeping a food journal is really annoying. And like my first supper post morning sickness, I look forward to my first meal post food journal. I'll probably remember exactly what I ate & likely know the portion too because I'm getting pretty good at eyeballing measured amounts. The guessing part has become a bit of a sport in an effort to maintain my sanity. I feel like I have won some invisible prize when I confirm the guess against my measuring cups & spoons. If anything this lesson will have prepared me for a career in a test kitchen.

Planning for Baby

2010-04-05T12:45:00.001-04:00

Okay so in some ways planning for baby is like planning for a wedding. Everyone says that once you have decided on your dress, then stop shopping for that all important piece. Well I guess the same could be true for the stroller. I was not able to stop searching for the very best possible stroller choice in my quest to be ready for baby. I concluded, quite happily, months ago that the Maxi Cosi Perle was the best bet for us. But then today I got knocked on the head with the UPPAbaby G-Luxe. So many things are good about this stroller. For one it's 11 lb. The Maxi Cosi is 17 lb, ahhh. And secondly it's $25.00 cheaper, however the rain shield is not included (purchase price $20). Then I come to find out that Maxi Cosi has stopped making the Perle! Oh no, what does this mean? Now I'm feeling confused again. However, I cannot find anywhere that the UPPAbaby G-Luxe is compatible with an infant car seat. If it's not, well then all bets are off.

Okay, so I just found out on Consumer Report that it is not compatible with car seats. So HA! I was right with my dress pick, I mean my stroller pick all along. See people just stop shopping for the things you already know are right.

Blog Dumping

2010-03-30T11:02:00.000-04:00

Well I had some things to write about a few weeks ago; however I got a couple weeks of solid work, which left me no time for blogging. So this entry will be a blog dumping.

Dump #1
The Killer Worm

As you may, or may not know, lucid dreams are a regular occurrence in pregnancy. This is not one of them. I dreamt that I was in a house, that was my house, but not. With my husband, who was my husband, but not Darren. A giant worm with a razor blade for a mouth cut him on the ankle. Then the giant worm became enraged with the adrenalin that it got from the blood of my husband's wound. It grabbed him by the feet & began dragging him away. Then a Worm Bounty Hunter rushed into the house and ran after the worm. The house turned into a grocery store as the Worm Bounty Hunter ran up & down the aisles in search of the outlaw & my injured husband. To no avail, the worm & his victim could not be found. The bounty hunter turned to me, shrugged his shoulders and said, "want to rent a movie?".

Dump #2 (he he, potty joke)
Glucose Check

My last appointment with the midwives was almost three weeks ago. It was week 26 & time for my Prenatal Glucose Screening. This test determines if a pregnant woman has developed Gestational Diabetes. The requirements of the test were to not eat any fruit, sugar, or complex carbs. I could eat protein. Drink an orange drink, provided by the midwives, one hour before testing. Then have my blood drawn. So this is the first time that I have had my blood drawn without the comfort of a trusted loved one holding my hand. Normally I am a flight risk when unattended, but when it came to the needs of my baby I just walked into the room, asked to lay down, had my blood drawn & then started to fade into faint land. But I didn't faint, just lost most of my color for a while. My midwife came in and promptly started feeding me my apples & once my checks were rosy again we listened to the baby's heart beat. My next appointment is this Thursday.

Dump #3
Third Trimester

Well, I've rounded the corner and have now entered into my 3rd trimester. It's hard to believe, just 10 more weeks 'til baby is due. She is currently a very busy girl. She does some crazy in utero acrobatics. Also she does something that feels akin to tap dancing on my belly. I'll be completely honest when I say it feels really strange. Darren got to feel this rapid movement last night for the first time. And I'm pretty sure it was a mind bending experience for him. Then he sent her calming energy through his hands so that I could go to sleep. And it worked, so thanks hubby for having that special touch that puts baby to sleep.

We have a lot to accomplish over the next few weeks. We have two Pediatrician consults set up & I have one more that I plan to schedule today. I begin seeing the midwives every two weeks. Then we start our Child Birth Education Classes. And are guests of honor at two upcoming Baby Showers (thank you JoAnn, Megan & Heather). In the time between we've been, & will continue to be, busy organizing and preparing our home for baby's arrival. The crib is set up & ready. The dresser has been ordered. All open shelving has been replaced with shelving units with doors. A storage unit has been procured making room in our apartment for all of the baby gear. And now my research for an affordable, while still experienced, doula begins. Disappointingly our Blue Cross Blue Shields health insurance does not reimburse for the cost of a doula. Sometimes I think health insurance companies are backwards. They cover emergency invasive medical care, but do not value noninvasive care that will likely thwart the need for something bigger & more costly to them. Anyhow I digress, we are looking for a doula now.

Oh yeah, & our building facade leaks, so that project needs to be underway & hopefully repaired before baby's arrival. You know just a few little projects! HA, I wish.

24 weeks Maternity Photos

2010-02-25T14:43:00.002-05:00

Last weekend I went to the Outer Banks of NC to surprise my friend, Brooke, for her baby shower. So while I was there she captured some really beautiful pictures of me & my growing belly.

Enjoy!

What to Read

2010-02-22T14:41:00.001-05:00

Well I know I've seemed dormant for a while now. But I've been thinking about the blog & what my next post should be for weeks. And to be honest I wasn't really sure what to say because most of what I've been experiencing lately has been very much internalized. Only just yesterday did I voice to Darren some of the thoughts that have been brewing in my mind. So since I'm still brewing here, I thought that I would share with you the books that I have been reading, & what I've learned or taken from them thus far.

In my first trimester, before the nausea set in, I read Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs. I appreciated her candor. And Darren & I both laughed at all of the "symptoms" of pregnancy that would eventually come. With chapter titles like: Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work! (Pregnancy Tests) & Poopin' on the Table (The Dark Side of Delivery), who wouldn't love to kick back in the beginning & simply lighten up on the major life changer that's growing inside.

Starting in my first trimester, & carrying on into the present, I have been reading What To Expect When You're Expecting. Sometimes Darren would read it to me. I loved that; when he was so excited & inquisitive to the growing changes to our baby. We have continued to check in with this book at the beginning of each week. I like it's format & readability.

Then towards the end of my first trimester, you may remember from an earlier post, I started to feel well again. I was left with my thoughts & fears of what's to come. So I started to read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. Ina May is a Midwife on The Farm, a birthing center, in Tennessee. She opens the book with positive & empowering birth stories. Stories of women who labored & birthed without the aid of pain medicine or medical intervention. These stories helped me to overcome my fear of the birth plan that I had chosen. I knew it was right path for me, but couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the opinions of other women who do not agree with my natural birth plan & feel the need to tell me so. I haven't finished this book yet. I've only read the birth stories, but I plan to go back to it this week.

In the beginning of my second trimester I began reading Birthing From Within. This is another book that supports the natural birth approach & nurtures a nervous insecure momma to be. This book touches upon ways in which we can meditate & tap into our most creative & primal selves. It's a homeopathic guide to childbirth preparation. Suggestions include choosing empowering words to meditate to during pregnancy, & to apply that practice to your labor. This practice in meditation & belief in your empowering words will help carry you through to the birth of your baby. I have not finished this book either. I plan to pick it back up in about a month, when I feel that my head space will be ready to absorb the information.

The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy I picked up in my second trimester & felt that it was a repeat of What To Expect When Expecting. Same book, different layout. I liked the flow of WTEWE, so I put The Girlfriends Guide down. It would be great for a lady who doesn't like the bullet point and Q & A method of WTEWE.

The book that I just finished reading, & so far was the last book that I picked up is, The Official Lamaze Guide, Giving Birth with Confidence. This book is very informative & has helped to solidify some of my opinions about our birth choices & parenting style to our growing baby. The book is a strong advocate for natural "normal" birth. It speaks in great length to the importance of breast feeding, and that, if possible, to not introduce the bottle for 6 weeks, and to avoid formula if at all possible. The book certainly explains that this is not 1978 or even 1987 for that matter, so move over Baby Boomers there's a new sheriff in town. Babies are now encouraged to sleep in the same bedroom as their parents in either a crib, bassinet or as co-sleepers in a safe bed environment. The idea is that attachment parenting fosters trust between baby & parent. It also helps the new parent to more quickly pick up on their baby's early cues. Sleep schedules are outdated advice & based on research done on formula fed babies of yesteryear.

I've read two pamphlets sent to me from Mamma Boo, Lamaze & Breastfeeding. Both are great for a quick uptake of the information. The Lamaze pamphlet has a section on the "Supporting Cast," how to choose who's by your side. That's something that's beginning to come into question for me. I would love to have a Doula, but cannot afford one. So I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I will discuss with Darren about having a friend be available to be with us to act as our advocate in the delivery room. I will want Darren to stay with me always, and hopefully the midwife will not need to leave to care for another laboring woman. But if I want or need anything from the outside world, like say maybe a bowl of fruit, I could ask our friend and labor advocate to go get that for us. So maybe we will open our delivery room to a close friend who can handle being invited in & potentially asked to leave too.

I've also been reading the amazing letters sent to me from Mamma Boo. She's on a journey to share all four of her birth stories with me! So far we are up to birth number two, Sarah. My mom was present for her birth, where the grand finally occurred in the Safeway Parking Lot on the way to the hospital. I knew her birth story well from my mom's perspective, but I greatly enjoyed reading & learning about it from her mother, Momma Boo's, perspective. Boo's kind words & encouragement have been well received and greatly appreciated by both me & Darren.

So what's next. Well, Darren wants to dive into The Happiest Baby on the Block. So I guess that's where we are going. We have 16 weeks to go, so I'll be busy reading and attending birthing classes. Oh and nesting, lots and lots of nesting.

Baby Girl S.

2010-02-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

It's a girl! Darren & I went in for our 20 week anatomy exam on Friday. It was so awesome to see her little fingers & toes. The technician was great. It's amazing how they can find & identify all of the baby's parts. Her kidneys, which looked like a specular highlight, & all the chambers of her heart. And most excitedly, her private parts! I'll be honest, it didn't look like much to me. She even had to draw me a line, a bit like connect the dots. I said, "Oh yeah," but really I still couldn't see anything clearly. So I took her word for it.

Darren was sooo happy. He high-fived me, just like the day he found out we were expecting. He continued through out the exam to express how thrilled he was to be having a little girl on the way. It makes me so happy to be married to a man who's so involved & thrilled about being a father. On our way to Columbus Circle to make all of our phone calls he asked if we were going to say, "I got my girl!," just like my mom had when I was born. It's awesome how he always finds a way to include Mom in our lives.

Calling & texting everyone was a blast. We received some really wonderful responses from our family & friends. It is a moment in our life that will be treasured always. Enjoy her beautiful profile pic!

In A Land Down Under

2010-01-25T18:48:00.000-05:00

I think a kangaroo is growing in my belly. Baby Kanga is kicking like a three legged ninja. I felt it with certainty for the first time yesterday. Darren got to feel the baby kicking & punching last night too. Then this morning Baby Kanga got feisty after breakfast & started playing the drums on my uterus. So I told Darren to put his hand on my belly again. And you know what happened...nothing. The baby went silent. Looks like Poppy has the special touch. Now we know who will be rocking Baby to sleep.

We will find out Baby's gender on Friday. So stay tuned for the big reveal!

I'm Back In The Saddle Again

2010-01-06T14:30:00.000-05:00

That's right. It's 2010, a new year. And so as these things go for me with the start of November through the first week of January of the new year, I take a little break from my routine. Now I'm back into the swing of things. Yesterday I attended my regular yoga class, and it just so happens that my yoga instructor is preggers too! Fantastic, now I really know she has my back when it comes time to tweak my poses to be baby friendly. In addition to my yoga practice, I pooped, twice! Once last night & once this morning. That too is very exciting for me. Other pregnant ladies you know what I'm talking about. I also went to the grocery store. One of my items purchased, prune juice. I tried it this morning, it's disgusting. It's possible that constipation is more desirable than prune juice. Hard to imagine, but it's fact. I tried hiding it in a yummier juice cocktail, but the taste is still there.

In other news, I have purchased some white storage boxes to go onto the shelves that Darren assembled in December. This will hopefully contain some of our stuff & make the apartment further baby friendly. And, we bought our crib! Second hand off of Craigslist. Love that site. Strangely enough NYC continues to remind us that we are living in a small town when the owner of the crib just so happens to be an art director that I was just on set with last October. It's a small world after all.

The Registry

2009-12-29T12:10:00.003-05:00

Well before I dive into the subject matter stated in my title, I would just like to mention that it is 26 degrees today, but feels like 3 degrees. I would also like to be the first to say that this is too cold.

The Registry:

Well to be honest it's totally overwhelming & nothing like my experience with my wedding registry. My thoughts are that by the time I was preparing my wedding registry I had 25 year of experience with utensils, plates & small kitchen appliances. Prior to getting pregnant I thought the baby registry would be a cinch. Um, not the case. For starters the crib. Should be easy right. Well it's not. We know that we want it to be white. We prefer modern hardwood furniture with eco-friendly glues & paints. Okay, well that's crazy expensive. I wish it wasn't a luxury to be environmentally conscience. Honestly living sustainably should be available to all of us.

Now lets just move onto the stroller. I'm a city mom (to be), so what's most important to me...weight. I found a stroller that was only 12 lbs! So exciting. However, it did not recline. I've been informed that this is not an attribute one looks for in a stroller. Now that one's out. So on Sunday, Darren & I went to Babies-R-Us to start a registry & to test drive some strollers. We were most interested in looking at the Maxi-Cosi Perle (weighing in at 17.0 lbs) & the MacLaren Triumph (weighing in at 11.0 lbs). For us, the Maxi-Cosi won. Here's why. The Maxi-Cosi Infant car seat snaps in & out very easily. And the 90 degree angled framed stroller can support a diaper bag without tipping over when the child is not occupying the stroller seat. So it's heavier, but still one of the lighter & more compact strollers on the market. Oh yeah, compact is important too since we live in a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with no proper storage closet.

Now within the store we moved onto the bathing section. Okay, this should be easy. Nope. Not easy either. Well the baby's got to be cleaned. Darren actually asked how often we have to wash the baby. His argument, "well it's not like the baby is out getting dirty like the dogs. Yes, true my love, but we still have to give the baby a bath." Okay so he's still not totally sold on the necessity of bathing our future child, but he agrees to zap one of the tubs. Now which one. Well there is this super cool tricked out tub that allows you to know the water temp, but it's way too big for our home. So we zap a little collapsible mesh thingy. The baby in the photo with it's genitals covered by a wash cloth looks happy.

With Darren & I both starting to fade & feeling overwhelm by how long it took us to make a decision on just these three items so far, stroller, infant car seat & infant bather, we decide to push on to one last section & then we must break for lunch. Infant feeding...Uuhh? Lets just start with the Breast Pumps. Do I need to double down while pumping or will pumping one at time work for me? I don't have a full time job, but even still I can't deny the efficiency of pumping two boobs at once. Then there are the multiple brand choices. Okay okay okay, so there's Medela (it's mega expensive), so that's the one I need right? Is it the best? Is it really worth the high ticket price? I don't know? Again this whole thing is not like comparing one 18/10 Stainless Cutlery with another 18/10 brand. I don't know what to do. In an effort to make a decision that will result in us eating lunch soon, Darren zaps the cheapest brand. I think it was Playtex, but to be honest I'd have to log on to our registry to be sure. By this point I was delirious. We can change it later he says, as he begins to make moves for the exit.

But wait, we then were both pulled in by the diaper pails. Well the diaper topic is a whole other can of worms that I have been slowing opening. Again, it goes back to my Eco roots. I know I don't want to deal with cloth diapers. I just don't, okay people. Other Eco people please don't judge. Then there are all of the eco-friendly diaper options in the disposable diaper land. Where do I began. I've read reviews. Every one of them contradicts the other. Some people say they are too scratchy. Others say that they aren't "really" biodegradable. Some say they only work with girls, that the boys penis some how causes the diapers to spring a leak. Then there are flushable variety. Quite frankly it just makes me want to give in & conform to the easy to use, kid tested, mother approved, regular earth damaging diaper variety. Which I'm still not sure if I'm going to give in. I'm just frustrated by the process of discovery. Anyhow, we looked at diaper pails. Compared the price on the pail itself & the price of the refill bags, so on & so forth. Darren zapped the Arm & Hammer Diaper Pail & a few refill bags, and then we went back to the registry table to return the gun.

Exhausted & sent home with a goody bag, we left the store knowing only two things for sure, our stroller & infant car seat were good choices. However if someone were to inform me that our choices were in fact terrible, well then we would be back to square one. See what I mean. Absolutely no experience equates to an inability to make sound decisions. The moral of my story is that Darren & I are a case of the blind leading the blind. Neither of us has any idea of what will be right for us as parents or for our baby once it enters into our world.

The Honeymoon vs. Oh No What Have I Done

2009-12-11T09:37:00.003-05:00

I'm about two weeks into my second trimester & it really is the honeymoon period. I feel as if someone flipped a switch & all of a sudden I felt fantastic again. My appetite has returned, but is not yet amped up. My overly sensitive nose has backed down, and overall I feel great.

I've now started my prenatal yoga. It truly is amazing to be around other pregnant women. I find that my prenatal class is more of an exercise in breath & spirituality. Where my regular yoga class focuses on strength & endurance. I'll stick with both because each class challenges me in unique & equally important ways. Worry not friends my regular yoga teacher modifies the poses for me.

Now that my physical symptoms of pregnancy have dissipated, I am left with my thinking self. Currently my main issue of complaint is my own head space. I continue to feel anxiety toward the unknown experience. And I worry about the pain. I am working diligently to free myself from many years of frightening stories my mother choose to share with me. Currently I am reading Birthing From Within, in an effort to wipe the slate clean. It helps & certainly calms me down. Yesterday I watched a birth story (I know I am not suppose to do this because they dramatize everything), but this one was a comparison between a L&D birth and a Birthing Center birth at St. Luke's Roosevelt, where we are to deliver our baby. The L&D doctor was my girlfriend's doctor & the Birthing Center was a midwife whom I did not know. Anyhow, watching it brought all of my fears to the surface; leaving me with a lump in my throat. Darren & I talk about it. And he reassures me that my anxieties are normal. And I know this to be true, but come June it's me who will be left with the difficult task of delivering our baby. And currently I'm feeling overwhelmed.

12 weeks & Expanding

2009-12-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving has come & gone. Sharing & celebrating our news with family has left us with many great memories. Darren took the liberty of starting the conversation by announcing that I had expanded my business to include taking pictures of babies. Then he showed everyone our 11 week & 1 day old baby's sonogram. JoAnn start to cry, Devon said "I knew it", & my brother Rob had a great delayed reaction that was priceless. My niece told her mom privately that she hoped that I would have a baby girl, but that she didn't want to say that to me because she didn't want me to feel any pressure. I love the sweetness of little girls. My nephew Matthew hopes for a boy, because he's a boy, naturally. Lauren had figured it out & confirmed with Darren a few hours before dinner. She considerately chose to speak to Darren rather than me, just in case I was in fact not pregnant & just putting on some winter weight. Later that evening we called our family that was not present for the big reveal. Pop Pop, who will soon be turning 89, was thrilled to find out that he would be a Great Grandfather for the 4th time. My Aunt Trish was also excited & shared the news with her children. Jessica then sent a text congratulating us from her, her brother & dad. Darren's father Larry & Grandmother were also very happy & excited for us. And then the longest lead up to our big news occurred with the rest of Darren's family in NC. We wanted to share the news by video chat, but after an hour of attempting to connect we just emailed the picture. We were on speaker phone & could hear everyone in the room scream. It was very heart warming. Again many well wishes from the group. In the days that have followed the news has spread & trickled down to others & we continue to receive calls & emails from our family & friends. This is an exciting time for us all.

Blub-blub, Blub-blub

2009-11-23T20:43:00.000-05:00

We have completed our 11th week! And today we saw & heard the baby's heart beat for the first time. It really was amazing. We met with 1 of our midwives & had our first prenatal visit. All went well with our check up & we left with the parting gift of a photo & the memory of that amazing sound. Our due date is now set for June 12th, 2010.

Tummy Time

2009-11-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Baby has me living with constant indigestion. My stomach is hot & I'm burping all the time. Today I'll be giving in by consuming Tums in an effort to quell the fire that's within.

In addition, exhaustion has set in. I feel overwhelming sympathy for woman who work full time while being pregnant. Here's how a 24 hour day goes for me. 7am wake up on the couch (I'll wrap back around to how I ended up here). Eat a bowl of cheerios, 9am make smoothy tummy's getting hot again, retouch until 10am, 10:30 go to the gym, 12:30 starving eat something, 1pm exhausted, lay down for a nap, wake up between 2-3pm, eat something fast or risk freaking out, retouch some more, 6pm tidy the house before Darren comes home, 8pm dinner together, hang out until 10pm, head for bed, 10:30pm-4:30am sleep in bed, 4:30am wake up & move to couch, wake up next morning 7am on the couch. I don't know why I wake up every morning at 4:30 in the morning now. It's frustrating; I use to sleep so well at night. Anyhow, that's the new drill. And it bums Darren out a little bit, because now he wakes up all alone. Literally, even the dogs leave. They come out to the couch with me too. Madison at my feet & Mable starts by spooning me & then moves down to the floor just beneath me. They are good girls for keeping me company, but poor Darren is left all alone. It's not right.

Food Facts

2009-10-24T08:03:00.000-04:00

I was doing so well enjoying all the foods that I have always enjoyed eating, until this week. First off I've been craving Cheerios. Second I ate a piece of chorizo sausage. It was super spicy in my mouth, but I was informed by my friend that it was in fact not spicy at all. I found this realization to be shocking. This was okay though because everything else still tasted delicious. Then I woke up yesterday... For breakfast I had a multi grain english muffin with butter & jam, for lunch I had an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese & for dinner I ate dry Cheerios & sliced apples. I had to be careful to not eat the apples too quickly. When I did, I became repulsed by them. Then the worst thing happened yet, Darren offered to scoop me some ice cream. I said yes, but just a little, just in case I was turn off by that too. He brought me my favorite flavor, B&J's Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch. I took one bite & almost couldn't swallow it. Repulsive & a devastating discovery. Now this morning I woke up dreaming about a Cinnamon & Raisin Bagel with Butter. I guess this is the time where I eat all carbs. Oh, an there is something in the refrigerator that really offends my nose.

The Illusive BM

2009-10-19T09:04:00.001-04:00

The once daily morning BM has been reduced to an every other day occurrence. I so treasured my regularity, and never took it for granted, for it always pleased me. Now on the day of my BM, I sit & patiently wait for that familiar emptiness. And on my BM's day off, I feel full & sometimes sharp pains on my right & then my left. Illusive BM why have you forsaken me? (audible sigh)

Dream Sequence-Take One

2009-10-16T14:58:00.000-04:00

Last night I dreamt that the baby was born. Only problem was that baby, who is sexless in the dream, was given the wrong name. I said to Darren, "No our baby is not named Apple!" Like some ridiculous celebrity baby, my private after thought. Darren responded with, "but that's what you told them after the baby was delivered." "I did not; I can't remember; I was hypnotised."

I don't think it means much of anything, except that I do not like objects for baby names. And maybe that I ought to sign up for that Hypnobirthing Workshop soon.

Positively Pregnant

2009-10-14T18:25:00.001-04:00

I'll be honest, I suspected that I was preggers. I could smell the trash through the tightly closed trash can lid, but I kept it to my self. No need to stir the emotions until it was fully clear. Then I was late, one day, two days, three days & four. I was away at a friends wedding & wasn't about to buy another expensive pregnancy test when I had a perfectly good one at home. And come on, we all knew at that point that the rabbit done died. So on Monday night October 12th, I peed on a stick, and then waited. Watching that little electronic hour-glass flicker off & on until it officially declared me Pregnant. Well, there it is, in plan English. Darren had just stepped away, so I called him back & all I could do was point to it. I think he gave me a hi-five, followed by a hug, and then about an hour or so later he cried a little, but don't tell him I told you that.

I took a picture of it with my iPhone & texted it to my best friend Cookie, and then waited some more. Darren confessed that it was taking her too long to call back & that he wanted to call her. I said no way josé, I am patient & will wait to hear her scream. Shortly there after, the phone rang & boy did she scream! I have no idea what she said, the words weren't as valuable as her raw emotion. Both preggers now, just as she had hoped. As first timers, neither of us were too excited to experience this all alone. So now we journey together, 2 months apart from one another. Pretty fun for two girl friends.